that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I love you. Go after that dick
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
