hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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