I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize