2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
