It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
