Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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