Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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