There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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