I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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