unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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