She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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