I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This is my gift to your gina
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
