The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
