Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
