You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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