I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
too bad you live with your parents still
What did we do last night that was yellow?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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