how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
