I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
