Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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