I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
