She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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