I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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