I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
