I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize