i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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