it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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