did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
