He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
