The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
