I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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