I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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