The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
