So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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