Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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