he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize