It's Friday. Sex?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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