M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It's just like the Real World with babies
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I supernannyed him into submission
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
