Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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