I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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