Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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