ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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