Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
