ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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