apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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