You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Will exercising make me less horny?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
