I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
