...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just cropdusted the office
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
