have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
