when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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