birth control should be required to get into college
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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