btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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