what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
