i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize