So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
