did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He told me they were just razor bumps!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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