Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
