We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
