I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
