Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
