haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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