I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
