i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
