Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
