Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize