Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
