i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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