Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Semen is not good for contacts.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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