I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
